HOW TO GROW A HEALTHY SOCIAL NETWORK

Welcome everybody to episode seven of Live the 8Wise™ Way. I hope you are all doing well. This podcast is all about how you can improve your mental health and wellbeing using eight simple steps. My name is Kim Rutherford. I am a psychotherapist and author, obviously I’m also now a podcast host, and most importantly, I am the creator of the 8Wise™ methodology for better mental health and wellbeing and I am sharing that with you in each of these episodes.

So, if you haven’t done so already, hit that subscribe button so you don’t miss any of the episodes. If this is your very first episode, welcome, thanks for joining us. After you’ve listened to this episode, it’s worth you popping back and start listening from episode one, because you’ve missed out on some really good information that would really benefit you moving forward.

If you are following along with my book, 8Wise™ Ways to a Healthier, Happier Mind, then you can find extra content regarding this topic on page 161 and then when you finish page 161, it will naturally navigate you towards some of the exercises you can do to boost yourself with regards to this particular topic.

If you don’t know where to get the book, then the great news is you can head to my website www.8wise.co.uk where you can get hold of five different books. Book one is 8Wise™ Ways to a Healthier, Happier Mind which is what they’re calling, which I love them calling this, the mental health manual for the modern world. How sexy is that? But you can also get, to help you with that book, the 12-week journal that helps you set and focus on very specific goals you want to achieve within the next 12 weeks. You can also get the 12-month planner, so for those of you who are really looking to make some major changes in your life, the 12-month planner will help you do that, and if you are someone who just wants a little bit of information on a regular basis, then you can also get a copy of the wellness pocketbook too. That is all there on the website, just head to the store and you will find it there straight away.

Now, also, if you are somebody who likes daily tips and a little bit of a prompt every day to what you can be doing to look after your mental health and wellbeing, then you can also register for the newsletter and I will have an email sent to you every day and I promise you, there is no junk in these emails. It is really good information with regards to how you can boost your mental health and wellbeing through these daily tips. Once a month, I’ll also send out a newsletter that has lots of information, lots of guidance and lots of freebies as well and who doesn’t like a freebie. Again, all of that you can find on my website.

Now we are at episode seven and I thought it’d be nice to bring in a little cheeky competition for all of you and, as we’ve been talking about the book, I thought let’s make it about the book. So do you fancy getting yourself a free copy of my book 8Wise™ Ways to a Healthier, Happier Mind. If you do, this is all that you’re going to have to do. Number one, I want you to go and follow me on every one of my social media platforms. Go and follow me and send me a little message saying you are doing the competition. Then I want you to like, and retweet any of the posts with regards to the podcast. Then what I’d like you to do is share the podcast with 10 people, just share it with 10 people and tag me into those shares and let’s say for the first 10 people that do that they will all get a free signed copy of my book. I will contact you on social media to confirm if you are a winner and I will grab all of your details then with regards to where you want to send the book.

So follow me on all of my social media platforms, like and retweet and reshare anything that’s with regards to the podcast, copy me in, tag me in on everything and, if you can please, this is the big one, share the podcast with 10 different people and tag me in on each of those shares and see if you’re in with a chance to win a free signed copy of my book 8Wise™ Ways to a Healthier, Happier Mind.

Now today we’re talking about growing a healthy social network. What this really means is starting to look at the social systems that we have in our lives and identifying for ourselves are they the best social systems for us, are they providing the support that we need to function effectively in our day to day lives and, let’s be honest, people probably bring some of the biggest stress that we will ever experience to our lives. So it’s not surprising that when we look at our social systems and our social wellness that we can be lacking in some of those areas if it’s not an area of our life that we’ve reflected on a lot recently. I suffer with this one myself from time to time, I’ve said to you in previous episodes, I’ve moved so many times. I meet so many wonderful people, but I don’t necessarily always get the opportunity to really embed those relationships, so I get a really strong support system from them.

That’s not to say those people aren’t wonderful that I meet and aren’t supportive when given the opportunity, but sometimes you really need to spend quality time with people to really build those relationships, to have that in depth relationship with somebody where you can build really strong support systems through sheer understanding of each other and understanding what each other’s needs are. So that’s been a difficult thing for me throughout my life. I’ve had it. I’ve had some of the most amazing friends, I hold onto some of those friends. Some of my best social systems come from, as I mentioned I grew up in a town called Chard and some of the wonderful, wonderful people that live there are still the closest people in my life who I absolutely adore.

Since moving to Liverpool, I’ve made some amazing friends, some of them have been in my life for over 20 years, more like family than they are friends and I’ve got other people in my life when I was living in Warwickshire, people who I classify as really, really close friends now, but it took quality time, spending time with them. That’s something that I’ve had to deal with and I know that a lot of people out there suffer with the social systems that they’ve got and it can lead to feelings of loneliness and loneliness is a real epidemic in the world right now.

Again, I’m talking about post Covid because Covid’s becoming the dominant factor for all of us, but loneliness has been spiked through not being able to spend time with people, isolation, but I think whilst people were going through Covid different people made decisions about who were important within their social systems and it showed that sometimes if you’re not spending lots of time with people, those people become out of sight out of mind, unforgotten and it’s very easy for us to lose friendships along the way, or lose touch with people, lose track of people. Then when the world reopened after Covid, we suddenly had to try and fill our time, we’re trying to catch up with everybody really quickly and there’s only so many hours in the day and we can’t necessarily do that. So socially Covid hit us really hard, and it’s caused a lot of issues with regards to loneliness across the world.

Social media doesn’t always help with that because sometimes we think social media is the answer to the loneliness, but actually it doesn’t provide us with the level of connection that we as human beings actually need and so we can have millions of likes and millions of followers, but actually the loneliness is still there because what we really need is human contact, human connection, human interaction with people.

I’m hoping that with this episode, we can understand ourselves a bit better with regards to that and understand our needs a bit more with regards to that and start working on that. When you are looking at your social systems, what you need to start doing, if you’re going to do some self-reflection on thi, have a look at it from these core groups.

Family is number one, start looking at your family. Do you have the support systems within your family that you need to navigate this world in a healthy way. Do you have that relationship where you can talk openly with your family members, that you can talk honestly with your family members. Just remember, family is what you decide family is. This does not have to be blood relation. I appreciate there are lots of people in this world who have non-blood family members and that doesn’t mean because people have married into things. It could be friends, it could be colleagues from work, it could be anything where you think the relationship has crossed over from friendship into family. That’s entirely up to you how you define what family means to you but have a look at that family setup that you have got, is it supportive, does it have that open communication, does it have that honesty, that transparency, can you talk to them openly about anything. Therefore, do you really think that you are getting the support you need when you need it. So that’s group one to think about.

Group two is your friendships, and this could be friendships from your past, your present or the ones that you’re developing right now and think about it from that perspective. Again, do these people in your life bring out the best in you, are you having fun with your friendships, is it mutual, is it 50/50 when they’re calling you, are they asking you how you are or are they just ringing you because they want to be able to share with you what’s going on in their life right now. Ask yourself these questions, are the friends I’ve got bringing out the best in me and are these relationships equal, is it a 50/50 relationship, give and take. So have a think of your friendship.

Then I want you to think of your colleagues and colleagues are really, really important because for those of us who work in environments where we’re working with lots of people, our colleagues are the people that we will spend more time with in our life. We will spend more time with colleagues than we will with our friends, with our families, with our loved ones, with our children. So have a think of the colleagues that you’ve got. Do you have good relationships with them, do you interact with them easily, are they making your working day better or do you feel they’re making your working day worse. Be really honest with yourself with regards to the relationship you have with your work colleagues.

Then outside of work colleagues and outside of friends and outside of family, then we’ve got our wider community and I’ve said before, humans are pack animals, therefore at our deepest, most primitive level there is a need for us to be part of a wider community. Are you part of your wider community, are you interacting with a community that is on your doorstep, do you know who your neighbours are, do you chat to your neighbours. I can honestly tell you now, I’ve got the best neighbours in the whole world, the best. We do barbecues together, we have a WhatsApp group and share information about each other, we get together at Christmas, we celebrated with street parties during Covid when we could, we have a really good close community. I know if anything was happening in my life, I could knock on their door and I would get genuine help and genuine support. I know that’s not for everybody. I know that’s not everybody wants, and I know that’s not what everybody has. That’s what it means to be part of a community, that there are people around you that will be there for you whenever you need them. They’re the areas that you need to start thinking about when you start thinking about your social support systems.

Now I can tell you one of the most common issues I have in my therapy room when people come in and talk to me about their support systems is, yes we’ve got the issues with regards to work colleagues because stress at work can bring that out. Then we’ve got a lot of issues obviously family brings issues or many, many levels, but one of the big issues that people come to my room with is the friendship ones. When I say this, I mean, with regards to the long-term friendships, people who just feel really let down by the people who’ve been in their life the longest, the friends they’ve had for the longest and it’s because, as humans, we have this sense of loyalty to people that we’ve known for a very long time.

Now, I’m not an advocate for getting rid of people from our lives in any way, shape or form. I think every single person that we have is really, really relevant and really important, and they bring something magical to our lives in one way or another, but I also do understand that sometimes you need to put the right label on the person that you’ve got in your life, and I’ll explain what I mean about that in a little bit more time, but one of the things I would say to anybody is, if you’ve got somebody in your life, say they’ve been there since you were five years old at school, they’ve been there for so long you just accept they’re there and this title of best friends sticks with them because you’ve known them for so long. But if you are struggling with that relationship in your life or these relationships in your life, I want you to ask yourself one question, if you were to meet this person right now for the very first time, are they somebody that maps to the values that you have and are they somebody that you would want to have as a friend if you are meeting them for the first time right now. By answering that question, you start to tell yourself if you distanced yourself or you’ve moved on, or you’ve grown apart from somebody and that’s very normal and it’s okay to grow apart from people. By doing that, by understanding where the relationship really stands right now, rather than where you used to stand and where you wish you could stand and how you might go back to how it was in the past and looking at it realistically, where it is right now, it helps you to remove some of the emotion connected to the relationship and it starts to help you put a more rational mindset towards the relationship. That in itself can actually alleviate some of the stress, some of the frustration you might have with regards to that friendship right now. So that’s just one little activity that you can do.

Another activity is to think about all of the people that you have in your life, and I call this activity swimming lanes and it’s about really thinking about all the people that you’ve got in your life and putting them in the right swimming lanes. So, if you’ve got a piece of paper there with you, I just want you to put down a few different columns.

Column one has got the title of family, column two the title of friendship, column three the title of mates and column four the title of acquaintances. I want you to think about every single person that is in your life that you find value in, that you think you feel is really important to you in one way or another and I want you to be really realistic with yourself with regards to which of those swimming lanes you would place them. So, for me, I would place very specific members of my family in the family list. In my friendship list I’d probably have no more than five people, these are my ride or dies, these are the people that I know without doubt if I rang them at 2:00am in the morning because I was in trouble, they would always pick up and they would always be there. In my mates list there’s probably going to be about 10 people. Now these are people that I absolutely adore, I love spending time with, I can have a good time, I can chat to, I can have some really good conversations with, and they have the potential of moving into that friendship list, but we’re developing that friendship. We’re developing that relationship, so at the moment they’re mates, I love them, I adore them, I spend time with them, but we haven’t crossed over into that in-depth relationship status of friendship yet. Then outside of that, you’ve got your acquaintances and these are all of the people that you know and you can chat to, you have a good time with if you see them, you could probably message them from now and then whenever you want to, they’re not quite in the mate zone yet so you might not be willing to go on holiday with them, for example, not in the friendship zone yet, because you certainly wouldn’t be talking about your most in-depth secrets to them and they’re not in the family zone.

When you are able to put people into these different lanes, what then that allows you to do is connect the right amount of energy and emotion to each of those lanes. If you are unintentionally putting everybody in your life in the friendship lane, for example, not everybody in that friendship lane is going to provide you with the support mechanisms that you would expect from somebody who is a friend and therefore when people let you down because they don’t meet that criteria for you, it really hurts. It’s really frustrating, it can be painful. Whereas if what we’re able to do is look at that then and go, actually these people don’t provide me with that, it’s not because they’re not good enough, it’s because they’re not quite there yet for me so I’m going to put them in the swim lane that makes sense to them where they’re at now and they’re mates. That doesn’t mean that they won’t ever be friends, it just means right now there’s a different energy connected to them. There’s a different emotion set connected to them. There’s a different level of expectations set to them. So now, straight away, those frustrations that you had when you thought they were friends not providing you with what you needed from a friend, now you’re like but they give me everything I want as a mate and I love them for that and now I can reduce and release that frustration because I don’t need to feel it anymore because I’m getting what I need. It’s the same with the mate’s thing. If you’ve got that mate who constantly lets you down and doesn’t really ever do stuff with you, then really are they a mate or are they more of an acquaintance, and if that’s the case, you’re not saying I don’t love this person, I don’t care about this person, I don’t want them in my life, you’re saying I just want to put you in a different swim lane right now because you’re at your best in that swim lane and we have a great connection when you’re in that swim lane. It’s only when I put you in the wrong swim lane, do I then feel frustrated and anxious and stressed about the relationship we have when it isn’t meeting the expectations I have and I need for the people within that part of my life, within that swim lane.

This just starts to help you to understand your needs and helps you to understand your expectations with regards to the people that you have in your life and the different roles that people have in your life. That’s really important for you in order to establish who are the right people to have in your life. We have to remember that social wellness is the second element of our external dimension with regards to the 8Wise™ program, which means that it’s everything that’s happening outside of us and, as we know, it’s usually the external factors that we are having to respond to every single day so they can be the most, from my perspective, extremely stressful scenarios that we are facing every single day. Now we can’t control the external factors, we can’t, it’s what’s happening to us is happening to and the best we can do is respond in the best way that we can. But if we are able to create frameworks for ourselves so we can manage that response system better, then actually we are helping ourselves, we’re helping our mental health and we are helping our wellbeing as well.

When you think of your emergency services, they are not called a reactive service, they’re called a response service because although they do not know what is going to come in on the phone call that they receive, they know they have a framework in place that always allows them to respond effectively to the situation. So they might not know what’s going to happen, but they have confidence, they have faith that the framework they have will help them respond effectively and the swim lane analogy provides you with a framework to respond to social situations effectively to people within social scenarios effectively in a way that you might not be able to control what they’re going to do or what they’re going to say or what’s going to happen but you have a solid framework to manage your response effectively. That gives you some control, that gives you some power in situations where you might have found yourself feeling powerless in those situations. So that’s step one.

The next step really with regards to social systems is being willing and being able to not only create good solid boundaries for yourself, but then live by those boundaries so people respect them and live by them with you. Boundaries are basically the rules and regulations we set to let somebody know what acceptable behaviour towards us is and what isn’t acceptable behaviour towards us. If we don’t have those boundaries, it’s very easy for us to be taken advantage of, or for us to take advantage of other people. We’ve got to remember this works two ways. All social systems are a two-way communication, it’s a relationship that sits at the core, you and them, them and you. So they have needs and you have needs, it’s about fulfilling each other’s needs. But with regards to these social systems, it’s really important to have these boundaries in place and to be vocal about these boundaries and so people know that if they do this, they behave like this they’re going to cross the line and what the response is from you if they cross the line with you. I work with an awful lot of people on boundaries and many people will sit in my therapy room and they’ll sit with me talking about the boundaries that they’re setting for themselves.

There’s a difference between creating a boundary and living by the boundary, and living by the boundary is the crucial part of the process. We can all sit there and write a list about what our boundaries are going to be, but if we don’t tell anybody what they are then we’re not living by them and if we’re not telling anybody what they are it’s not really fair that the other person then crosses them without knowing and then we respond in a way that is negative, argumentative or aggressive towards them. If they don’t know, they need to know if you want them to change. They need to know if you want them to be respectful to you in the way that you need them to be respectful. They can’t know if it lives in your head, this is about manifesting the things that you want in your inner world, into your external world. It’s taking the things that we’ve learned from the internal dimension and manifesting them as part of your life within the external dimension.

So, if you have not yet set yourself some really good solid life boundaries with regards to the relationships that you are going to have in your life or do have in your life, then that is a really big task for you to start doing and you can get more information about that from the book, and also some of the free resources that are provided on the website and through the newsletter as well.

Now we hear an awful lot with regards to toxic relationships and toxic people and I just wanted to clarify it from my perspective. What I really think that means. I do not adhere to the concept of toxic people, because I don’t like labelling people based on a behaviour or a characteristic. I don’t think that’s fair. I think we’ve all, from time to time, behaved in a way that somebody else would see as toxic. It doesn’t mean that we are a toxic individual, it means that behaviour was toxic. So that’s how I like to see things, I like to see that there are toxic behaviours, not toxic people, but if there are too many toxic behaviours that can create a toxic relationship and a toxic relationship is something that, ideally, we do not want to be a part of.

Now we can talk about the most common one at the moment, is the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard situation. When you listen to that and when you see what’s going on there, you’ve got a lot of toxicity going on. There’s a lot of toxic behaviours took place by both parties in that relationship, creating a toxic relationship and so the ending of the relationship ended the toxicity, they can move on, they can still have their own toxic behaviours in their own life but if they’re not having toxic behaviours together anymore, it’s no longer a toxic relationship. People can choose to walk away and that’s the power you have when it comes to relationships. You have the power to walk away. Now I appreciate that there are certain scenarios when it comes to relationships that makes that situation very difficult to do. There are lots of scenarios where getting out of a toxic relationship is incredibly difficult to do, and you do need a support system to help you do that and you do need to find that moment when it’s right for you and when that courage is where it needs to be, and that happens at a pace that is suitable for everybody. There is certainly no judgment on anybody when they are staying in a toxic relationship because, for them, that makes sense right now. But if and when you are ready to move out of a toxic relationship, then you can do, and it is about reaching out to those people for the support, which is why it’s important to know who your support systems are in this world so that when these moments in our life happen, where we really need help to make a change, to get safe, to get free, to remove ourselves from situations that are hindering our health, our mental health and our safety that we have those support systems in place. So just look at it from that perspective if you can. Try not labelling the person, that doesn’t help us, it kind of creates a pantomime villain of everybody.

What a better option to look at is this person has these particular behaviours, which are toxic for me, therefore they create a toxic relationship and I do not want to be in this toxic relationship. So you can either have the conversation with the person, bring it to their mind that those toxic behaviours are not working so they have the opportunity to change them or choose that can’t happen and then you don’t want to be in the toxic relationship. Some of the bravest things we have to do in this life is just accept that sometimes we have to let relationships go, no matter what swimming lane they’re in because that’s what’s healthiest for us. I remember hearing a wonderful quote by Jim Carey once and he said when he removes people from his life, it’s like moving them to a different dinner table. He doesn’t look at it as I hate you and I don’t want you in my life anymore, he looks at it as I don’t want you to starve, I just don’t want you to eat at my table. That’s how I kind of look at it is I love all the people, I do genuinely love all the people I’ve had in my life and I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to them, they’re just not suitable for my life right now and so I respect what they brought to my life, and I love that they’re living their lives the way they want to live them but for me, right now, there is no space for where I am in my life for what they were bringing for my life at that time. There’s nothing wrong in you saying that for the people in your life, whether that be family members, friends, colleagues, people in your community, acquaintances, mates, whatever you label them as, whichever swim lane you put them in, it’s okay to let people go if they’re not bringing you what you need in your life right now, because our social support systems are so important in our lives. We have to be surrounded by people who bring out the best in us and who help us, who nurture us and help navigate us. It’s really important to start looking at it from that perspective.

Also we’ve got to think about how we interact with people within our support systems. This comes down to our communication skills, our social anxieties and also, do we understand where our energy levels come from when we’re surrounded by people. I work an awful lot with personality assessment and personality type and understanding our personalities a lot more when I work with my clients and the concept of extroversion and introversion comes up an awful lot and I say I’m surprised, I’m a little bit shocked these days that people still don’t really understand where this is linked to and that’s because we hear so much, I put it out there, we can hear so much rubbish about what extraversion is and what introversion is. If you go on the internet, you’ll find loads about how introverts are really shy and don’t really like people and how extroverts are just really out there and they’re really bubbly and they’re fun and all of that kind of stuff. In the nicest way, it’s not true because the reality of it is it’s all about where you get your energy from. It’s as simple as this, an introvert, if they were a battery, they’re almost refuelling their battery through spending quality time on their own. That’s what happens and they are draining their battery if they end too much time with people. Extroverts, opposite. They drain their battery if they spend too much time on their own and they fill their battery if they spend more time with other people and that’s as simple as it is. For you and your social systems and how you interact with people and the social scenarios you place yourself in, it’s really important for you to understand where your energy levels come from a social perspective. Are you somebody that actually you love the idea of going out for a night out, but actually after a couple of hours, you’re zonked out, I love all these people, but phew I need to go home and just spend some time on my own. Or are you that person who’s been working a hybrid model all day so this is your day working from home and you’re like, oh I can’t do another minute of this, I need to get out there, I need to go and spend some time with my friends, I need to socialize. Understand that about yourself, know that about yourself and create social scenarios for yourself that help boost those energy levels because if you can boost your energy levels in the right way, you can then help to boost your stimulation at the same time, but if you can boost your stimulation, get really good brain health. Really good brain health means really good mental health, really good wellbeing.

So really think about your own personal energy levels with regards to your social scenarios, your social systems and the people that you want to spend time with in your life and don’t be sucked into this you are a shy person if you’re an introvert. You are not necessarily, and don’t get sucked into this you’re expected to be the singing dancing, all time party queen just because you’re an extrovert, you don’t. Sometimes extroverts want time on their own. Sometimes introverts want to spend time with people. It’s a spectrum. It’s a sliding scale. If you are introverted, you also have an element of extroversion to your personality type. If you are an extrovert, you also have an introversion element to your personality type. You just lean more towards one than the other.

So don’t get confused about it, but understand it’s okay if you’ve been busy in work all day with everybody talking in work and you just go oh do you know what, today I just need to go home and zonk out to your favourite Netflix show and spend no time with people. That’s what I do people. That’s how I cope some days, Real Housewives at Beverly Hills thank you each and every one of you for getting me through my de-energized days when I needed to recharge my batteries. No shame here, by the way. No shame on any of the choices that you make when it comes to your Netflix or any other show from any other platform as well.

I’m hoping that has helped you to understand a little bit more about how you grow a healthy social network. It’s about understanding what social systems you need to have in your life. Friends, family, intimate relationships, work colleagues, and your wider community. It’s about knowing the boundaries that you’re going to place for yourself when interacting with those people. It’s about making sure that all of the people that you’ve got in your life, that you put the right energy levels, the right emotional levels to them and let them be at their best by putting them in the swim lane that works best for the relationship you have with them, whether that be family, friends, mates, or acquaintance and it’s about understanding what you find to be toxic behaviours with regards to people that you have relationships with and understanding how many toxic behaviours you can cope with within the relationship before it makes it a genuinely toxic relationship for you. Then understanding what you need to do to either change the relationship or walk away from the relationship, which in itself might need the support from other people in your social system.

It’s really time to do the self-reflection and look at the support systems you’ve got in your life. Is it working for you, is it fulfilling you, is it providing you with safety and security, fun and frolics and making you live your best life. Have a think of that.

Now in our next episode, we are going to be moving onto the lifestyle dimension and we are going to be talking about one of the biggest topics there is when it comes to mental health and wellbeing. We’re going to be talking about occupational wellness and stress factors in work and how we can make our work and environments better for our mental health and wellbeing. I hope you will tune in for our next episode, so we can talk through all of that.

So, as I said, quick recap, if you want to get the book to follow along with everything that we are doing, you can obviously go and access the book via the store on my website, it is called 8Wise™ Ways to a Healthier, Happier Mind, and you can get it from www.8wise.co.uk but if you are looking forward to getting your hands on a signed free copy of that book, then feel free to get involved with the cheeky little competition and all you need to do is follow, like, retweet and share everything.

So, follow me on all my social media links, like everything that I’m putting out there tagging me in, retweet anything that you like, make sure you tag me in everything so I know that you are involved in the competition. If you can please, the big piece is share the podcast to 10 different people tagging me in, and the first 10 people that do that I will send a free signed copy of my book to.

If you have liked this episode and you have not yet subscribed, please hit that subscribe button and make sure that you are up to date with all of the new episodes come out and, as said, if this is your very first episode with me, thank you so much for joining. I hope you’re going to enjoy Living the 8Wise™ Way for better mental health and wellbeing, and make sure you go back and check out the previous episodes as well.

Follow me, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and you pretty much find me everywhere as 8Wise™. My name is Kim Rutherford. I am a psychotherapist, I’m an author, podcast host, and most importantly, I’m the creator of 8Wise™ and my genuine passion is to try and help as many people as possible to Live the 8Wise™ Way so they can have better mental health and wellbeing in the future.

So until we chat again my friends take care, look after yourselves and I will see you at the next episode. Bye for now.